by Enid Traisman, MSW; Director of Pet Loss Support Services, Dove Lewis Emergency Animal Hospital; Portland, Oregon.
When a child experiences the death of a beloved pet, he or she may experience emotional reactions that can be painful and frightening. Actions that you can take to help children experience those reactions as healthy events are:
- understanding
- grieving
- memorializing
Here are several ways to help your child achieve these tasks:
- First, find a quiet place where you can talk without interruption. Tell the child simply that their pet has died and what caused the death. If necessary, explain what the word "dead" means. Avoid overloading your child with details.
- Answer all questions truthfully in words they can understand. Inconsistent or incomplete answers may leave the child more unsettled than the truth itself.
- Encourage the expression of feelings. Children will model their parents' behaviors. Try drawing, writing and talking together about the pet.
- Avoid euphemisms. Avoid terms like "gone away," "put to sleep," "passed on," and "lost." Instead, simple and accurate terms such as dead and stopped breathing, establishes that the body is no longer alive biologically.
- Share your beliefs, hopes and faiths about the soul or spirit of pets. You may say "The spirit of our special pet is with God in Heaven," "the spirit is the warm feeling of love in our hearts;" or "the spirit is in nature."
A funeral, memorial service, burial, or placement of the ashes encourages healthy closure to the loss process. You might:
- Create a memory box with pictures, stories and mementos.
- Light a candle, place fresh flowers and a special framed picture near it.
- Plant a tree or a garden and hang the pet's collar as a wind chime.
- Make a photo album or collage.
- Write a goodbye letter, a poem or a song.
- Draw a good-bye picture.
- Donate money to a favorite charity in memory of the pet.
Children process thoughts and feelings by "doing." Help guide your child and you will be giving him an important life tool-a model for how to say good-bye and a framework for dealing with death and other significant changes or losses in the future.
